Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
