I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
