Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
