I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize