zippers are such a cool invention
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You left your phone here
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