my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
