I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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