You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
