Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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