think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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