He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
