I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
