Soap is not a condiment
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
