There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This is my gift to your gina
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
