Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
