butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
