Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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