he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
