I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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