So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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