I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
