If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
