I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
