It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did you pee in the oven last night??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
