best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
