I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
