I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
