Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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