She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
