It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
