he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize