he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
