Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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