i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
