Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
