I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize