I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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