i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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