ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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