It's like God shit irony all over that family
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
