he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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