So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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