I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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