chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
