I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
