Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
