mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
