Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
