Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
