Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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