The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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