My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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