dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
