Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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