your room smells of hookers.
And success
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
