yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
