I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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