My balls are so social today.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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