i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
