Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
