I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
