you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
