she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
