I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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