i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Your cock deserves a montage
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize