He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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