It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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