i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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