So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
