Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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