I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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