Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wish you could order shots online.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
