You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
