we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
