What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
not ubering you a puppy
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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