thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
