def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
