You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
