North Korea, Best Korea!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
