Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need a beard to bite.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
